Information: Please take a moment and visit your profile to choose a flag.

Tonight LO and I made a breakthrough

Perhaps there is light at the end of the tunnel. Or maybe life is never the same after limerence. Read how others have coped with limerence in the longer term. Please feel free to post your own accounts of journeying through limerence.
User avatar
FreeBird
Posts: 463
Joined: Thu Jul 13, 2017 12:51 am
Gender:
United States of America

Tonight LO and I made a breakthrough

Post by FreeBird » Mon Sep 25, 2017 10:54 pm

As I'm typing this, LO and I are chatting back and forth via text. Surprisingly, I'm not feeling limerent, just relaxed. So far in these brief exhanges I am getting answers to questions I've had for THIRTY years:

-Question: (unasked yet answer given) Do you see me as a friend/sister/something more?
"Even when you're sixty, you will still be my Little FreeBird" I interpret that to mean he will always see me as my brother's little sister only.

-He thought I was waaay younger than him. Um, nope, I have my AARP card, dude :))

-I'm joking around with him like an old friend...which he always has been to me.

-The fact that he is texting while he is with his family gives me a sense of security. He is comfortable with me and I pose no threat to his relationship.

-We both wished we were the age we were when we met. The only reason I can imagine is that it was a sweet, innocent time for both of us.

-No more "what ifs"! Without him being aware of it, he has established and documented our boundaries. I have proof now. No more second-guessing! I may be close to euphoric right now O:-)

EDIT-Whoops! I realized since this just happened tonight, it shouldn't be considered a success story yet. b-(
Moderator, please feel free to move it to the appropriate thread if necessary. Is there a Breakthrough thread?
LE has ended

JupiterTaco
Posts: 2998
Joined: Sun Jun 28, 2015 6:12 pm
United States of America

Re: Tonight LO and I made a breakthrough

Post by JupiterTaco » Tue Sep 26, 2017 1:50 pm

The closest are the Moving On and there was one on Disclosure, I forget where it is...
"God grant me the serenity, to just remember who I am"-Games People Play by Joe South

marko
Posts: 1284
Joined: Sun Feb 26, 2017 4:20 pm
United States of America

Re: Tonight LO and I made a breakthrough

Post by marko » Tue Sep 26, 2017 2:54 pm

It's nice to see things more clearly, but the euphoria just makes you think you are on the right track. Nothing wrong with clarity, but until you tear this person away, you will still be LE. What's your goal in this? Do you wish to end LE or do you enjoy carrying it a bit? That answer will dictate what is breakthrough. This can help, but finding you have less meaning than you hoped for can eventually pinch a little, so take care. :ymhug:

User avatar
FreeBird
Posts: 463
Joined: Thu Jul 13, 2017 12:51 am
Gender:
United States of America

Re: Tonight LO and I made a breakthrough

Post by FreeBird » Tue Sep 26, 2017 3:23 pm

You read my mind, marko! Thank you! Thank you! After the high of the contact subsided, I realized I was still reveling in the LE. Yes, his responses cleared up some things for me, but I was still breaking NC. I was still actively limerent ("He's texting me!! We're having a conversation!!")

And you're right again in saying that now that I know I meant nothing more than a "little friend" to him does pinch. It does hurt.

The fact that I went through an emotional rollercoaster within a matter of hours shows I'm not "healthy" yet. Last night our text conversations kept replaying in my mind. I went on an LE bender. :ymsigh:

What is my endgame? What do I expect from him? I was at my best with NC. I had a sound mind with NC. I could sleep better, concentrate, and be productive with NC. Yesterday I was floating in my LE fog.

I'm glad I shared my textcapade because if I hadn't, I would be assuming I'm better, and I'm not. With the high gone and viewing it in the cold light of day proves that I have so much work to do.

This thread definitely doesn't belong under Success Stories. David, do you mind moving it to a more appropriate spot, please? This thread is an example of basking in Limerence most likely.
LE has ended

marko
Posts: 1284
Joined: Sun Feb 26, 2017 4:20 pm
United States of America

Re: Tonight LO and I made a breakthrough

Post by marko » Fri Sep 29, 2017 4:27 pm

Maybe not ending success, but you figured out another tricky part of this. When is feeling better an LE buzz, vs feeling free. I've fumbled through this and purposely held on. One thing I've learned about my excersice addiction is that you can subvert your existence to participate in the experience. The tricky as well is that not all of it is bad. What's wrong with basic human contact, what's wrong with sharing and not being lonely, finding a friend and feeling good. I can't stop excercing either, and even though I'm at a healthy level now, it still impacts relationships. At what point is it bad? LE can be harder as the object is different and perhaps more focused. Maybe because there is no good outlet like excercise. Both are a feel good escape, but I can't LE well.

Windy1
Posts: 300
Joined: Wed Sep 13, 2017 4:49 pm
Fiji

Re: Tonight LO and I made a breakthrough

Post by Windy1 » Fri Sep 29, 2017 4:56 pm

@ Marko: I am a huge believer in regular exercise. It feels great and when you look and feel good it shines through.
There is too much of a good thing though. As we get older we become more injury prone and we don't recover like we used to.

I have learned to just live with low level limerence for decades. There are days where I see it as silly or ridiculous, and others where I feel it more deeply. Maybe my ambient mood colors my thoughts at any given time. I wish I could erase all memory of the decades long LE but I know that won't happen,I just can't let any LE consume my thoughts.
M-46-married
LO- married 47,work colleagues

L-F
Posts: 1437
Joined: Fri Sep 29, 2017 9:55 am
United States of America

Re: Tonight LO and I made a breakthrough

Post by L-F » Fri Sep 29, 2017 9:29 pm

Windy1 wrote:
Fri Sep 29, 2017 4:56 pm
I have learned to just live with low level limerence for decades. There are days where I see it as silly or ridiculous, and others where I feel it more deeply. Maybe my ambient mood colors my thoughts at any given time. I wish I could erase all memory of the decades long LE but I know that won't happen,I just can't let any LE consume my thoughts.
Ditto. Went away to a conference and couldn't help but wish LO was there. Not because I'm limerent per se, simply because I wanted to share a day discussing the topic of the conference. I wanted to hear her view. I wanted her to help expand my mind. I wanted to be able to say I was a part in expanding hers. I wanted to connect on an intellectual level and delve into wonderland where our minds started ticking like a clock lost in space. That wonderful space where neurons are fired up and new understanding is made.

This (desire) bugged me every time I jumped in the car to drive somewhere. I kept wondering 'why', and it had nothing to do with rescuing each other. I didn't need saving, nor did I want to do any saving. I'm beyond that, yet, there is still an egotistical element to this low level stuff. It's not like I can't find someone to bounce ideas around with.

I simply wanted LO there as a friend - which is weird because we weren't to start with. I fell in to limerence which created a no-go zone, so friendship was never an option for me.

@FreeBird, enjoy the friendship part, and in time it will genuinely become that. Although a 'special' kind of friend. One that ignites that inner spark which encourages you to flourish... I believe there is nothing wrong with that. If only we ALL had someone who had the ability to make us a better person.
No one is coming to save you.
This life is 100% your responsibility.

User avatar
Spinnaker
Posts: 1482
Joined: Mon Oct 10, 2016 7:25 am
Gender:
Contact:
United States of America

Re: Tonight LO and I made a breakthrough

Post by Spinnaker » Fri Sep 29, 2017 11:59 pm

Oops wrong thread! x_x
"I'll become what I deserve".

Ben Howard

User avatar
FreeBird
Posts: 463
Joined: Thu Jul 13, 2017 12:51 am
Gender:
United States of America

Re: Tonight LO and I made a breakthrough

Post by FreeBird » Mon Oct 02, 2017 12:05 am

marko wrote:
Fri Sep 29, 2017 4:27 pm
Maybe not ending success, but you figured out another tricky part of this. When is feeling better an LE buzz, vs feeling free.
marko, I've been meaning to tell you for a minute now: you have the soul of a poet. :x
LE has ended

townshend
Posts: 842
Joined: Fri Feb 10, 2017 2:19 am
United States of America

Re: Tonight LO and I made a breakthrough

Post by townshend » Mon Oct 02, 2017 12:35 am

marko wrote:
Fri Sep 29, 2017 4:27 pm
I've fumbled through this and purposely held on. One thing I've learned about my excersice addiction is that you can subvert your existence to participate in the experience. The tricky as well is that not all of it is bad. What's wrong with basic human contact, what's wrong with sharing and not being lonely, finding a friend and feeling good. I can't stop excercing either, and even though I'm at a healthy level now, it still impacts relationships. At what point is it bad? LE can be harder as the object is different and perhaps more focused. Maybe because there is no good outlet like excercise. Both are a feel good escape, but I can't LE well.
That's where I've been at. And I think that's what I like about LE, in it and being around LO the normal everyday experience can be suspended. Even any like LO desires come down to him > me. Last week he's telling someone something and says "right, [townshend]?" "Mmhm..whatever you say, [LO]" (and not in the 'yeah sure whatever' way..) Which isn't my personality at all, the opposite really but it's usually LO > everything else.

But I think well if I chill out for a second and put the non existent self esteem on hold and look at things he's not bothered by me and I'm not doing anything inappropriate, etc so where is the it's ok vs it's a problem line in this, really? Makes the suppression of it more frustrating. I guess when it's a situation like this where you can't tell/you're always worrying about finding out/crossing it, it's "best" not to indulge at all. %-( 8-|

Same with NC, Freebird. LO on vacation, at work I'm not looking over my shoulder all the time, not worry about my decision today to see or not to see, didn't look at the clock time myself try to coordinate or avoid. Better until I realized NC would twice as long as I realized bc of my schedule and I had a small freak out Friday....yeah NC's better. This is what makes me feel like I wish I never met him in the first place, take away all the good stuff if I'm not gonna get enough of it and the bad keeps coming as well. 8-|
No good has ever come from feeling guilty neither intelligence, policy, nor compassion. The guilty do not pay attention to the object but only to themselves and not even to their own interests, which might make sense, but to their anxieties. -Paul Goodman

Post Reply

Who is online

Users browsing this forum: No registered users and 4 guests