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Finally - the last remnants of my LE have been shed (well not quite)

Perhaps there is light at the end of the tunnel. Or maybe life is never the same after limerence. Read how others have coped with limerence in the longer term. Please feel free to post your own accounts of journeying through limerence.
sydney0845
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Re: Finally - the last remnants of my LE have been shed.

Post by sydney0845 » Fri Jun 16, 2017 11:10 am

It can be, but to be fair there are degrees of smoking, from 20+ a day, to very irregular 'when I've had a drink' occasional smoking. In the time I've known her, I genuinely don't think she drinks that much anymore. There have been times when she has talked about getting drunk when we've met up, but she never has. And if we've had a couple of drinks, she hasn't smoked at all. This occasion was an outdoor event, and she'd had a few drinks during the day with other friends who were big drinkers, and then was chatting to some people when we found her. I do think she was just letting her hair down a bit more than she maybe has in a while, and ordinarily is very into healthy living these days - vegan, yoga, meditation etc. I think last weekend maybe triggered an earlier part of her life a little.

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David
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Re: Finally - the last remnants of my LE have been shed.

Post by David » Fri Jun 16, 2017 3:43 pm

Sydney, whilst your attention is on your LO and what she does and doesnt do, you are taking the focus off yourself and your own work.
"Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate." - C.G. Jung

For Professional Coaching / Therapy see http://loverelations.co.uk/limerence

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JupiterTaco
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Re: Finally - the last remnants of my LE have been shed.

Post by JupiterTaco » Sat Jun 17, 2017 5:23 am

L-F wrote:
Fri Jun 16, 2017 9:39 am
November 2010 when mine started. Not sure when it ended. Like you, not a thought nor care (literally couldn't care less).

Such a great place to be.

Long live our limerence free days x
I don't know officially when mine ended either. =)) I suppose it doesn't ever just end. It's a process that includes thinking about them less and less so you don't really know when the limerence ended. I have no idea when mine ended.
"How can I believe when this cloud hangs over me, you're the part of me that I don't want to see"-Forget It-Breaking Benjamin

sydney0845
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Re: Finally - the last remnants of my LE have been shed.

Post by sydney0845 » Sat Jun 17, 2017 9:36 am

David wrote:
Fri Jun 16, 2017 3:43 pm
Sydney, whilst your attention is on your LO and what she does and doesnt do, you are taking the focus off yourself and your own work.
I guess. Its hard not to though - I was just expanding on the smoking thing. It freaked me out a little when I saw it, but that had subsided. I think seeing you mention it too, and then reply triggered something again though. I think when it had cropped up before and she had said that she only has the occasional smoke when she's drunk, rather than saying she had quit and was now one of those annoying anti smokers, then maybe it wouldn't have been quite so unexpected.

EXlfjb
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Re: Finally - the last remnants of my LE have been shed.

Post by EXlfjb » Sat Jun 17, 2017 9:19 pm

Limerence is just a delicious distraction. That is all.

But...

What from???

Life.

Why?

Because we are refusing to let the pain of our life rise.

And when it does? What then?

We get to see.


See what?

Ourselves.

Let the pain rise. Face it. It won't kill you. It will only make you extremely uncomfortable... for awhile.

And then?

It has no hold. No bearing.

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David
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Re: Finally - the last remnants of my LE have been shed.

Post by David » Sun Jun 18, 2017 8:22 am

L-F wrote:
Sat Jun 17, 2017 9:19 pm
Limerence is just a delicious distraction. That is all.

But...

What from???

Life.

Why?

Because we are refusing to let the pain of our life rise.

And when it does? What then?

We get to see.


See what?

Ourselves.

Let the pain rise. Face it. It won't kill you. It will only make you extremely uncomfortable... for awhile.

And then?

It has no hold. No bearing.
My belief is the healing to anyone grappling with limerence resides in your dialoge LF. My experience is for some, the pain of grief is too much to bare and their psyches will fight hell or highwater to avoid taking this path. And grieving decades of repressed and surpressed feelings doesn't occur in weeks or months, sadly it takes some years. I dont know why it takes so long.
"Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate." - C.G. Jung

For Professional Coaching / Therapy see http://loverelations.co.uk/limerence

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JupiterTaco
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Re: Finally - the last remnants of my LE have been shed.

Post by JupiterTaco » Sun Jun 18, 2017 9:31 pm

David wrote:
Sun Jun 18, 2017 8:22 am
L-F wrote:
Sat Jun 17, 2017 9:19 pm
Limerence is just a delicious distraction. That is all.

But...

What from???

Life.

Why?

Because we are refusing to let the pain of our life rise.

And when it does? What then?

We get to see.


See what?

Ourselves.

Let the pain rise. Face it. It won't kill you. It will only make you extremely uncomfortable... for awhile.

And then?

It has no hold. No bearing.
My belief is the healing to anyone grappling with limerence resides in your dialoge LF. My experience is for some, the pain of grief is too much to bare and their psyches will fight hell or highwater to avoid taking this path. And grieving decades of repressed and surpressed feelings doesn't occur in weeks or months, sadly it takes some years. I dont know why it takes so long.
Maybe because normally grief is a process, it's not processed in a short time so if it's repressed, it takes as much time if not more to process it when it resurfaces?
"How can I believe when this cloud hangs over me, you're the part of me that I don't want to see"-Forget It-Breaking Benjamin

townshend
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Re: Finally - the last remnants of my LE have been shed.

Post by townshend » Mon Jun 19, 2017 4:47 am

JupiterTaco wrote:
Sun Jun 18, 2017 9:31 pm
David wrote:
Sun Jun 18, 2017 8:22 am
L-F wrote:
Sat Jun 17, 2017 9:19 pm
Limerence is just a delicious distraction. That is all.

But...

What from???

Life.

Why?

Because we are refusing to let the pain of our life rise.

And when it does? What then?

We get to see.


See what?

Ourselves.

Let the pain rise. Face it. It won't kill you. It will only make you extremely uncomfortable... for awhile.

And then?

It has no hold. No bearing.
My belief is the healing to anyone grappling with limerence resides in your dialoge LF. My experience is for some, the pain of grief is too much to bare and their psyches will fight hell or highwater to avoid taking this path. And grieving decades of repressed and surpressed feelings doesn't occur in weeks or months, sadly it takes some years. I dont know why it takes so long.
Maybe because normally grief is a process, it's not processed in a short time so if it's repressed, it takes as much time if not more to process it when it resurfaces?
All super interesting....
So...what are the five stages of limerence? :-? Same stages as grief?
No good has ever come from feeling guilty neither intelligence, policy, nor compassion. The guilty do not pay attention to the object but only to themselves and not even to their own interests, which might make sense, but to their anxieties. -Paul Goodman

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David
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Re: Finally - the last remnants of my LE have been shed.

Post by David » Mon Jun 19, 2017 6:57 am

townshend wrote:
Mon Jun 19, 2017 4:47 am

So...what are the five stages of limerence? :-? Same stages as grief?
Yes, i think they are the same. Limerence masquerades as grief.
"Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate." - C.G. Jung

For Professional Coaching / Therapy see http://loverelations.co.uk/limerence

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EXlfjb
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Re: Finally - the last remnants of my LE have been shed.

Post by EXlfjb » Mon Jun 19, 2017 9:16 am

David wrote:
Sun Jun 18, 2017 8:22 am
My belief is the healing to anyone grappling with limerence resides in your dialoge LF. My experience is for some, the pain of grief is too much to bare and their psyches will fight hell or highwater to avoid taking this path. And grieving decades of repressed and surpressed feelings doesn't occur in weeks or months, sadly it takes some years. I dont know why it takes so long.
Mine took years, and not entirely sure all is worked through though I have found myself taking another route, and that's one that aligns closely with Buddhism and Taoism, purely because I like the approach of stepping away from the self and being less attached to it.

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