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Finally - the last remnants of my LE have been shed (well not quite)

Perhaps there is light at the end of the tunnel. Or maybe life is never the same after limerence. Read how others have coped with limerence in the longer term. Please feel free to post your own accounts of journeying through limerence.
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David
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Finally - the last remnants of my LE have been shed (well not quite)

Post by David » Sat Jun 10, 2017 6:37 am

After 7.5 years LO has finally vacated the inner recesses of my mind. For the last month Ive not had a single thought of her apart from being aware she is no longer an unwelcome lodger in my psyche. When I do try and bring back some memories of the few interactions we had, there is nothing, even the memories have now gone fuzzy.

What changed? A couple of images and one post on social media that a mutual friend showed me. One with her smoking (I hate smoking and wasn't aware she did :-o ) and another gushing her love for friend which to me felt like pretty unconscious behaviour. IMJ such disclosures of affection / gratitude are better delivered in person. As for being some greek goddesses - hmh, I think my internal filters went a little out of whack.

SO's response - well Im sure she was a lovely person though. Not sure i would have responded with such grace to a SO about their ex LO.

So there we go. It feels like the end of a saga. And what a saga limerence has been.

And my own growth work continues. Im still triggered (very occasionally now) as afterall I am a human.

Life feels good and the journey continues :)
"Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate." - C.G. Jung

For Professional Coaching / Therapy see http://loverelations.co.uk/limerence

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AMA210
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Re: Finally - the last remnants of my LE have been shed.

Post by AMA210 » Sat Jun 10, 2017 5:14 pm

OMG, I wish I was where you are. Is there a fast forward button on this LE?
You clearly have done the work that needs to be done.
I wonder what the percentage is of people who have LE, but don't do any of the inner work, and just move on.
That is such a long time.

My sincere appreciation to you for the site and for this forum. :ymhug:
53 years old, married for 27 years
LE was 22 months and LO works four blocks from my home

"Always moving forward"

JohnDeux
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Re: Finally - the last remnants of my LE have been shed.

Post by JohnDeux » Sat Jun 10, 2017 8:49 pm

David wrote:
Sat Jun 10, 2017 6:37 am
As for being some greek goddesses - hmh, I think my internal filters went a little out of whack.

SO's response - well Im sure she was a lovely person though. Not sure i would have responded with such grace to a SO about their ex LO.

....my own growth work continues. Im still triggered (very occasionally now) as afterall I am a human.

***Life feels good*** and the journey continues :)
A great update to read, David, and thank you for expressing this milestone and for your continuing efforts with Limerence.net. I have to ask, do you think your SO was being entirely sincere with her comment on your LO? /:) Nothing wrong with taking the high road, however....

There are aspects of limerence that are still so mysterious....and I don't mean about LO, or about consummation with LO, or anything like that. Rather, just (a) what WAS going on inside during that strange warping of the time-space continuum, and (b) even as it feels so good to be past "it", did I take the best of all possible roads to get here? I guess I'm still wondering if there was some greater plan/maturational step that was being ushered in by and LE and even though we do typically get past it eventually, did the transformation occur that needed to occur?.....Was there even a transformation waiting to occur that one might perceive to be at the root of their LE?

Even as I feel meditation to have been very helpful in slowly adding some groundedness to the day-to-day, what to make of that intense desire during mid-LE? Is it just as you alluded to?...."afterall I am a human."..?? What might seem as too much "woo-woo" for most, including myself, the following (pulled as excerpts from the whole) is yet intriguing when remembering the euphoric/dystopic state of limerence:

"Desire is our unfolding experience of the self-manifestation of the field of Being. Desire is our self-arising of experience of this manifesting of primordial ground of Being. Desire arises out of Being’s fullness and Being’s unfolding creative momentum. Desire self-arises out of surplus, out of fullness. This Being of desire is manifesting everything and anything and saturates everything and anything. This fullness of desire is the fullness of self-manifestation of primordial field of luminous awareness.......

Unhappily, many philosophical and religious traditions relentlessly focus on the dissociation of desire as method and detachment as source for self- liberation. Liberation through negation. Dissociation from desire is considered to be the virtue of virtues. Dissociation is considered as a kind of holiness. This relentless religious focus on the negation of desire easily leads a person into sense of disembodiment and depersonalization. Depersonalization is the sense of non self, non-embodied self. .....

Psychoanalytic scholars such as Fairbain, Winnicott, and Harry Guntrip have explored this dissociative detachment and have described this inner psychological position as the anti- libidinal ego and as the schizoid position. This is another way of speaking about the force of anti- life and anti- self-presence. These anti- desire religious or spiritual traditions have a distorted admiration of non- attachment, detachment and distant solipsistic existing-ness. Existential non relatedness is considered virtuousness. There is a focused attempt to cancel external relational life and live in detached and in everlasting withdrawal into inner void......

This unhappy religious delusion of dissociative/detachment fractures our intimate and innate connection with the natural manifestation of the indivisibleness of phenomena and awareness. This detachment fragments human bonding and bonded-ness. The bonding to loved ones, the bonding to place and the bonding to Being is ruptured. Human bonded-ness is criticized as attachment. The natural sense of oneness within difference and difference within oneness is destroyed by such fractured thinking and teaching." --Rudolph Bauer, "Desire as the Experience of Self Arising Awareness: A Phenomenology"

http://transmissiononline.org/issue/rea ... nomenology

Would be curious to hear how others receive those paragraphs. Still feel much of the experience to be a reflection of our personal history coming into an LE and glad to be free of the main effects,.....but many questions still unanswered. Nevertheless, can much appreciate as well that "life feels good"....or at least "better".
"Pay no attention to that man behind the curtain...."~ The Wizard of Oz

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David
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Re: Finally - the last remnants of my LE have been shed.

Post by David » Sat Jun 10, 2017 10:00 pm

JohnDeux wrote:
Sat Jun 10, 2017 8:49 pm

SO's response - well Im sure she was a lovely person though. Not sure i would have responded with such grace to a SO about their ex LO.
I've had a long chat with SO about her comment as another also asked the same question JD.

Fundamentally she has never been jealous and has long appreciated we all have faults. She has always said if i had an affair she would give me a second chance. As ive mentioned here before, she seems securely attached with a tendency to avoidant behaviour at times. She briefly met LO twice and thought she was attractive, pleasant and did feel she was wounded. Her comment didn't feel passive aggressive. She says her comment wasnt barbed and was said with compassion for LO who had / has her own struggles.

I think it helped that SO came to realise quickly that limerence was about deeper woes within me.

Perhaps I got lucky when our paths crossed 32 years ago with a 5 second window of opportunity that I literally grabbed?
"Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate." - C.G. Jung

For Professional Coaching / Therapy see http://loverelations.co.uk/limerence

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David
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Re: Finally - the last remnants of my LE have been shed.

Post by David » Sat Jun 10, 2017 10:07 pm

JohnDeux wrote:
Sat Jun 10, 2017 8:49 pm

"Desire is our unfolding experience of the self-manifestation of the field of Being. Desire is our self-arising of experience of this manifesting of primordial ground of Being. Desire arises out of Being’s fullness and Being’s unfolding creative momentum. Desire self-arises out of surplus, out of fullness. This Being of desire is manifesting everything and anything and saturates everything and anything. This fullness of desire is the fullness of self-manifestation of primordial field of luminous awareness.......
Heady and heavy words that do resonate. Out of my desire came a path towards some degree of individuation.
"Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate." - C.G. Jung

For Professional Coaching / Therapy see http://loverelations.co.uk/limerence

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Re: Finally - the last remnants of my LE have been shed.

Post by yaztromo_568 » Mon Jun 12, 2017 1:30 am

Very happy for you, congrats! There is a light at the end of the tunnel.

And thank you for creating this site and forum, I do not know where I would be without it.

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Re: Finally - the last remnants of my LE have been shed.

Post by JupiterTaco » Fri Jun 16, 2017 6:58 am

I'm so glad to hear it's over for you, David! And I agree with the others, thank you for starting this site, it really is amazing! I had no idea how much and in how many ways it would actually help me! Cheers!
"How can I believe when this cloud hangs over me, you're the part of me that I don't want to see"-Forget It-Breaking Benjamin

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Re: Finally - the last remnants of my LE have been shed.

Post by EXlfjb » Fri Jun 16, 2017 9:39 am

November 2010 when mine started. Not sure when it ended. Like you, not a thought nor care (literally couldn't care less).

Such a great place to be.

Long live our limerence free days x

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Re: Finally - the last remnants of my LE have been shed.

Post by sydney0845 » Fri Jun 16, 2017 10:42 am

7.5 years with only a few interactions? Blimey. I think I might be stuck with this for quite some time.

The smoking thing was interesting. I happened to see my LO smoking recently. From a previous conversation I knew she used to smoke, but that she had quit a few years ago. She went as far as saying that she had become one of those annoying anti smokers. But also that she wouldn’t want to date a smoker now, as she’d be worried she might start again.

So it was a bit of a surprise to see her smoking, which I hate too. She didn’t realise we had seen her initially, and put it out very quickly when we went over to her. I asked her the next day if she’d started again, expecting her to say it was a one off that she had been offered after drinking, but she said only when she has a drink. Which to be fair I don’t think hink is often these days.

Had a horrible wave of sinking disappointment in her as much as anything.

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David
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Re: Finally - the last remnants of my LE have been shed.

Post by David » Fri Jun 16, 2017 10:58 am

sydney0845 wrote:
Fri Jun 16, 2017 10:42 am
tbut she said only when she has a drink. Which to be fair I don’t think hink is often these days.
i love the denial, are you smoking is a simple question that can be answered with a simple: yes or no.
"Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate." - C.G. Jung

For Professional Coaching / Therapy see http://loverelations.co.uk/limerence

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