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Five months in

Perhaps there is light at the end of the tunnel. Or maybe life is never the same after limerence. Read how others have coped with limerence in the longer term. Please feel free to post your own accounts of journeying through limerence.
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Joined: Mon Aug 15, 2016 4:27 pm

Five months in

Post by sydney0845 » Mon Nov 07, 2016 3:26 pm

Nearly five months in, and still ongoing. In the time since meeting LO, have now had a further three weekends in her company (once just me, the other two me, LO, SO + one other girl). I don't know if things are getting worse, but I haven't been able to shake any of my feelings for LO. One thing I've picked up on reading the forum, is that a lot of people don't really know their LO that much, and (especially if in a LTR) don't actually, deep down, necessarily want to be with their LO. In this case I've gotten to know her pretty well, and although time together is limited due to geography, have had a quite a good amount of quality time just the two of us getting on really well, having lots of shared interests and humour to talk about etc. Of the group of four we're probably the two most likely to go off and so stuff. And in between the meetings, FB and text banter is ongoing.

So all of this only seems to reinforce everything - I like her a lot, and it definitely seems like its because of very real things that I like / find attractive in her, rather than some imagined perception of her. There does seem to be a consensus that in these scenarios things with an LO would always be worse than things with an SO, but honestly, other than the huge upheaval of separating I'm not convinced that is necessarily always the case. But anyway, in this case I'm sure its a moot point - I have no reason to think she feels the same, and almost certainly sees me as a friend now. Not least because I am married, and has become good friends with my wife, just as she has with me. They seem to have shared lots of life experiences, whereas we seem to share more in term of taste / humour etc. In many ways its like my wife has some sort of crush on her too - or maybe sees her as someone she would quite like to be. So it remains impossible, and quite difficult when the three of them are talking about finding her a man, her looking through their FB for single guys etc.

Coincidentally, my wife has been chatting to someone and they were talking about going for a drink - so the whole When Harry Met Sally thing has come up, with me and LO as an example, with the general consensus that of course, in 2016, people can have cross sex friendships without any problem. Although I suspect in most cases it will still be that one or both people secretly would like more. I have found part of me thinking that if something happened with my wife and this guy, that wouldn't necessarily be a bad thing. (Which of course I realise I maybe wouldn't feel the same about if any of this stuff started to actually unfold.)

But this cycle could go on indefinitely - maybe she needs to meet someone, which might help, but would likely change the group dynamic. And even though the situation is impossible anyway, I'd really miss the time, limited as it is, that would spend together. I guess I need to focus on the positive, which undoubtedly is that the four of us make a great little group who, despite the geography, look like continuing to make the effort to see each other several times a year. And the negative consequences of any type of disclosure, ie wrecking all of that for everyone. Pretty good deterrent, huh? trouble is, it doesn't make the feelings go away.

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