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Him?

Perhaps there is light at the end of the tunnel. Or maybe life is never the same after limerence. Read how others have coped with limerence in the longer term. Please feel free to post your own accounts of journeying through limerence.
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Him?

Post by Unsubscribed » Fri Sep 23, 2016 6:30 am

LO's truly are prescient buggers.

After a good six point five year L-) run with my last LE, it finally broke last weekend.

While out on a nice run in the woods, indifference swept over me, in a big beautiful wave. Two deers emerged from forest, crossed the path, and locked eyes meaningfully. A group of theretofore unseen squirrels hurled acorns at my head from thirty feet above. The wind cascaded through the trees, bringing all together in a beautiful symphony of "duh."

For two days, the first 48-hour period since puberty hit me with the limerence stick twenty six years ago, I had no compulsive thoughts about anyone. I found myself completely at liberty to think as many stupid thoughts as I wanted, more or less at will.

Then Monday. Oh, Monday. Monday. Can't trust... yeah.

Anyways, after four years of dead air, an e-mail notice pops up from LO. That little innocuous square in the right hand corner of my computer screen. Like a little infernal sulfur bubble.

I won't paraphrase the content, because Google and paranoia. But suffice it to say, he wanted to meet up. And know how my marriage was doing. =)) And my brain, my poor little addled limerent brain, praise baby Jesus, smiled. And then smirked. And then took three days to figure out what exactly I should do with this.

So I re-read his message tonight to make sure it was fair to simply ignore it. And yep. Standard LO-issue emotional booty call. And did I really crash and burn five years of my life for this person? That, too.

Delete has never felt so peacefully final.

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David
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Re: Him?

Post by David » Fri Sep 23, 2016 7:21 am

LaurenTwo wrote:
Delete has never felt so peacefully final.
Awesome L2 and good to see you back - it takes courage to do that. I wonder if that happened to me if curiosity would get the better of the cat? :((
"Until you make the unconscious conscious, it will direct your life and you will call it fate." - C.G. Jung

For Professional Coaching / Therapy see http://loverelations.co.uk/limerence

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JohnDeux
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Re: Him?

Post by JohnDeux » Fri Sep 23, 2016 4:44 pm

@LaurenTwo: "Standard LO-issue emotional booty call."

:lol:

Yet another classic Lauren2 line!..... Good to hear from you and hope things are well. Is your noggin okay from the assault of the squirrels?....I'm pretty sure it's their version of paintball.... ;-)

"And did I really crash and burn five years of my life for this person?"

Answered with..."And did the crashing and burning not lay before you oodles of insight and produce a sturdier structure in the aftermath?"

Maybe it's too early to tell, but ask yourself if the delete button would even have been a fleeting consideration 4 years ago. The Pilgrim's Progress takes many forms. Additionally, by coming back to relay this incident, you give added hope to the current sufferer that "this too shall pass"...

Hope things are well in your life...
"Pay no attention to that man behind the curtain...."~ The Wizard of Oz

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LisaTranscending
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Re: Him?

Post by LisaTranscending » Fri Sep 23, 2016 6:27 pm

oh..visited by two deer (and squirrels trying to get in on the act)....that's a fine omen.

"Deer medicine for Native Americans includes gentleness in word, thought and touch. The ability to listen, grace and appreciation for the beauty of balance. Understanding of what’s necessary for survival, power of gratitude and giving, ability to sacrifice for the higher good, connection to the woodland goddess, alternative paths to a goal."

That's a fine message.

"In the Celtic tradition, there are two aspects of deer – female and male. The Hind (the red female deer), called Eilid in the Gaelic language, symbolises femininity, subtlety and gracefulness. The Hind is believed to call to us from the Faery realm, tempting us to release the material trappings of so-called ‘civilization’, to go deep into the forest of magic, to explore our own magical and spiritual nature."

Either way..it's a breakthrough. Glad the spirit animals are celebrating with you and leading the way on your spiritual path, LaruenTwo.

and the squirrels really hit the message home:
"Squirrel’s Gifts Include ability to solve puzzles, resourcefulness, quick change of direction, storing for the future/planning ahead, balance in giving and receiving, power of rest during times of non-movement, warning, discovery, change avoiding danger by climbing to a higher place, action."

Which..you have done. So great. So happy for you. Just delighted in the squirrels really getting your attention with the acorns. they really wanted you to have that message.

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Re: Him?

Post by Charlie » Fri Sep 23, 2016 6:44 pm

Wow! That is a powerful testimony. I'm very happy for you. Indifference is the goal in my opinion.

Thank you adding the fun forest animal details to the story. It helps to think that even the animals are pulling for you. It reminds me of sitting by my little Boston Terrier when I was really struggling with depression. If you know anything about BT's, you know they are either conked out and snoring or running around full throttle like a Tasmanian Devil. They don't chew food, but simply gulp it down. Once, he got into some medicine and I had to take him to the vet to have his stomach cleared. It took two tries, but he finally threw up grass and red string, but no Advil or whatever it was he'd gotten into. I figured eating depression would be a walk in the park for the beast, so I mentally fed it to him every chance I got. He's still going strong.

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Re: Him?

Post by Unsubscribed » Tue Oct 11, 2016 1:59 am

It is good to hear from everyone:)

I apologize for not responding, and saying thank you's, for a few weeks. There was a bit of a relapse- just a baby tsunami, but still. All the mindfulness and DBT tools my therapist and I have been working on were required to keep my brain clear. I seriously owe her flowers.

David and John- How are you doing? Oodles of insight- and yet, no master's degree:) I have a lot to be grateful for- there were many worse possibilities. And most of what I'm still frustrated by is dependent on simple skill building, at this point. So the thankfulness is very much there.

Lisa and Charlie- Thank you, and I hope both of you are doing well. I truly am one with nature- I heard their message loud and clear, and it was "it's 7 o'clock and damn near dark out, and you're running in the woods like an idiot trying to get on the evening news while we're trying to have a little private time." It was beautiful:p

After the first message (to which I didn't respond), LO messaged me again two weeks later. Apologies, sorry if he gave the wrong impression, etc., saying he really wanted to get together and stay friends, and had a lot he wanted to say to me. And reader, I relented. Sort of. I was polite in my reply, though not quite warm. Tried to cover my butt, while making allowances that he *might* have changed (the cat got me, David:). I let him know that I was sorry he was feeling depressed, thought he had some reasons to be optimistic professionally (one of the things he wrote about), but was really busy with my new job, and didn't really have time to travel two hours right now (he didn't offer to travel outside of his own commute, of course). We could stay in touch through e-mail, if he wanted.

I patted myself on the back for being eminently professional and adult-y. And then, on my evening run, I think limerent brain took all the endorphins and that little "a lot he wanted to say to me" nugget and locked itself in a closet to smoke them, because my head was literally mush for four hours.

What made the difference this time, I think- aside from the hundreds of dollars in therapy- is that I was completely open with my husband through the whole thing. Everything ex-LO sent me, and everything I responded with, I shared with him. And I was really strict with myself- even with mushy brain- about examining all the fleeting emotions that were coming up as to what they revealed about the vulnerabilities in our relationship.

It's been a week or so since I responded, with no response from ex-LO. Which tells me I probably served my purpose of giving him a little "adult female feels sorry for me" narcissist supply dose, which I was 100% expecting, but also hoping wouldn't be the case. It still kind of hurts- being treated as disposable feels shitty no matter how circumspect you are. But it doesn't hurt in a limerent way, which is significant. Just in a "this is an imbalanced situation that can be immediately helped by a few angry Beyonce songs" sort of way:)

JohnDeux
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Re: Him?

Post by JohnDeux » Tue Oct 11, 2016 8:38 pm

The openness with DH here is a great thing, Lauren2, and commendable with the resurgent struggle here. Having him in your corner I feel will help immensely.

" Which tells me I probably served my purpose of giving him a little "adult female feels sorry for me" narcissist supply dose, which I was 100% expecting, but also hoping wouldn't be the case. It still kind of hurts- being treated as disposable feels shitty no matter how circumspect you are. But it doesn't hurt in a limerent way, which is significant."

Hopefully the last statement is testament to the huge amount of work you have been doing to get here...and again, points others here to the fact that healing does occur. Good on you here! This part=> "...I was 100% expecting, but also hoping wouldn't be the case. It still kind of hurts- being treated as disposable feels shitty no matter how circumspect you are...." I will wager is tracing very old ground for you going way back before LO. We hope so much that we aren't being used....even when we are....across long expanses of time and place.

....Beyonce wrote angry songs!!??? :-B
"Pay no attention to that man behind the curtain...."~ The Wizard of Oz

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Re: Him?

Post by JupiterTaco » Wed Oct 12, 2016 6:18 am

Very nice! :ymhug: I don't know if I'll ever feel indifferent to the memory of my LO, I think he's been too tied to some of my personal growth but I always hope so.
"How can I believe when this cloud hangs over me, you're the part of me that I don't want to see"-Forget It-Breaking Benjamin

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Re: Him?

Post by Florida Sunshine » Sun Oct 23, 2016 11:34 pm

Kudos and thank you for honestly sharing your progress.
It gives me hope for the future!
Progress, not perfection.

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