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this is what i needed to do to recover from limerence and stay limerence free

Perhaps there is light at the end of the tunnel. Or maybe life is never the same after limerence. Read how others have coped with limerence in the longer term. Please feel free to post your own accounts of journeying through limerence.
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NoDayDreaming
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this is what i needed to do to recover from limerence and stay limerence free

Post by NoDayDreaming »

i decided to do another one of my updates, this time nearly 1.5 years after i joined the forum. my 1 year update is just a few topics down here, this is a slow subforum, LOL.

this is to list all the things i credit to my my relatively quick recovery. it still took time. it was about 9 months since NC started that i was absolutely sure there was no limerence and i was not triggered anymore by her, even the least.

here is the list:
1. understanding that there is no hope, no future, no chance with the LO. very painful, depression and despair. strict NC is needed as a detox in this addiction.
2. grounding with reality, living in here and now. no ruminations, no daydreaming.
3. forgiving myself all the mistakes in life. felling self compassion. letting go perfectionism and the big unfulfilled dreams. feeling gratitude for what i have.
4. figuring out the shadows in me. those were the same things that triggered me negatively in others, destroying connections and relationships. this uncovers a lot of shame and difficult memories, but it's a must.
5. figuring out all the fears, some of them hiding deep. again, shame. when you uncover the fears, often times they are not relevant to your stage of life and non-issue anymore. then after that realization, one can become fear free.
6. without fear and with exposed shadows, one can live life being authentic without playing roles or using masks to hide the shadows and avoid fears.
7. without fear we can take risks and be courageous and not to be afraid to be honest, open, and show our vulnerabilities.
8. being honest, open, and vulnerable, we can make a network of similar minded people and foster meaningful connections.
9. enhanced connections with friends and family and increased spirituality makes our lives satisfying and fulfilled. success!

here is the interesting thing. it took me a while to figure out all that. only recently i discovered Brene Brown, as i posted about here:
http://limerence.net/forum/viewtopic.php?p=67523#p67523

the things Brene talks about partially overlaps with what i did. if i knew about her earlier, it would have simplified and accelerated my journey.

so, my recommendation is to not rediscover the wheel. go with Brene's life advice and in addition to that, discover and work on your shadows and fears and shame.

good luck everyone!
I'm limerence free and I'm not afraid of it anymore. I learn something new about myself and life everyday. There is hope and so much more. NC works. Be free, be happy! In retrospect, LE was about the best thing that has happened in my life.

L-F
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Re: this is what i needed to do to recover from limerence and stay limerence free

Post by L-F »

I love this list NDD! Congrats on beating the limerbeast :ymhug:

Thank you for sharing what has worked for you.
It's a beautiful list.
"What we all want, really, is to be loved.
That craving drives our worst behavior." Jodi Picoult
@};-

Limerpoint
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Re: this is what i needed to do to recover from limerence and stay limerence free

Post by Limerpoint »

Thank you to share this
I'm 55 (M) married.
LO 54 (F) engaged.
LE Over 10 years

SelfWorthWarrior
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Joined: Sun May 10, 2020 1:48 am
United States of America

Re: this is what i needed to do to recover from limerence and stay limerence free

Post by SelfWorthWarrior »

Thank you for taking the time to create this list! Book marked it and will use it for self awareness growth and discovery. I just found out about limerence due to so much pain from recently being 'dumped', rather than being the 'dumper'...and realized my limerence with my LO's has created havoc in my life for at least 3 decades of romantic relationships. Ugh. Feel like between this and learning about attachment styles, there is a chance of recovery and having a healthy relationship. Thank you again.

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