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- Joined: Wed Nov 07, 2018 5:44 pm
this is to list all the things i credit to my my relatively quick recovery. it still took time. it was about 9 months since NC started that i was absolutely sure there was no limerence and i was not triggered anymore by her, even the least.
here is the list:
1. understanding that there is no hope, no future, no chance with the LO. very painful, depression and despair. strict NC is needed as a detox in this addiction.
2. grounding with reality, living in here and now. no ruminations, no daydreaming.
3. forgiving myself all the mistakes in life. felling self compassion. letting go perfectionism and the big unfulfilled dreams. feeling gratitude for what i have.
4. figuring out the shadows in me. those were the same things that triggered me negatively in others, destroying connections and relationships. this uncovers a lot of shame and difficult memories, but it's a must.
5. figuring out all the fears, some of them hiding deep. again, shame. when you uncover the fears, often times they are not relevant to your stage of life and non-issue anymore. then after that realization, one can become fear free.
6. without fear and with exposed shadows, one can live life being authentic without playing roles or using masks to hide the shadows and avoid fears.
7. without fear we can take risks and be courageous and not to be afraid to be honest, open, and show our vulnerabilities.
8. being honest, open, and vulnerable, we can make a network of similar minded people and foster meaningful connections.
9. enhanced connections with friends and family and increased spirituality makes our lives satisfying and fulfilled. success!
here is the interesting thing. it took me a while to figure out all that. only recently i discovered Brene Brown, as i posted about here:
the things Brene talks about partially overlaps with what i did. if i knew about her earlier, it would have simplified and accelerated my journey.
so, my recommendation is to not rediscover the wheel. go with Brene's life advice and in addition to that, discover and work on your shadows and fears and shame.
good luck everyone!
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- Joined: Fri Sep 29, 2017 9:55 am
Thank you for sharing what has worked for you.
It's a beautiful list.
That craving drives our worst behavior." Jodi Picoult
- Posts: 44
- Joined: Mon Aug 19, 2019 3:42 pm
LO 54 (F) engaged.
LE Over 10 years
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- Joined: Sun May 10, 2020 1:48 am