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When Are You Healed?

Perhaps there is light at the end of the tunnel. Or maybe life is never the same after limerence. Read how others have coped with limerence in the longer term. Please feel free to post your own accounts of journeying through limerence.
Whiskeyjack
Posts: 144
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Gender:
Canada

Re: When Are You Healed?

Post by Whiskeyjack » Fri Jan 11, 2019 11:31 pm

L-F wrote:
Thu Jan 10, 2019 6:17 pm

How did I know I was over it? When the urge to know about her life vanished. When I was able to function normally without dreams, or constant thoughts about her. When I stopped daydreaming of a future with her. When I started embracing life. When I was able to feel gratitude for the limerence experience. When I gained awareness regarding the reasons LE exists (that the pain was signaling me to look at my past hurts).
That's very good L-F and thanks for posting it. Definitely applies to me.

I'll add that, a couple of weeks ago, I had coffee with coworkers that included LO and her SO. When her SO walked in, they kissed briefly. I didn't feel a thing. As I watched them interact, I felt happy for them. I guess I've "graduated" then.

Not that I'm going to stop working on myself and my marriage. That was what landed me here in the first place.

And, AMA, congratulations on your progress. You've had one hell of a journey. Best of luck going forward.

Spinnaker
Posts: 2036
Joined: Mon Oct 10, 2016 7:25 am
Gender:
United States of America

Re: When Are You Healed?

Post by Spinnaker » Fri Jan 11, 2019 11:40 pm

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Last edited by Spinnaker on Tue Jan 29, 2019 8:16 am, edited 2 times in total.
“We are tied in a single garment of destiny. What affects one directly affects everyone indirectly”.
Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

Anna
Posts: 355
Joined: Wed Jan 25, 2017 11:15 pm
Canada

Re: When Are You Healed?

Post by Anna » Sat Jan 12, 2019 2:20 am

Well, I have a different approach... instead of full NC, which i did for about 4 or 5 months, I am doing the opposite at the moment.. EC extreme contact, which is like pressure cooking the relationship.
I had an invitation by him to visit him in his home country. After pondering about this, I decided I will go for it. We are both single.
I wasn't sure how it would pan out.. but I am on day 10 right now. Sleeping in his guest bed room and not budging from there, although there have been attempts in the first days... I do love his crazy personality and of course since I am around him every day , I get to know a lot of sides / faces I haven't known before. I met his family and I get a very realistic view and I can observe a lot of triggers and am learning a lot about myself. It's very intense. It's a totally different culture too , which I realized I can't relate to.
But I have no more desire for him. I told him that too, I said I would see him more like an older brother that I never had... I guess that hurt his ego a little because he had other intentions, but that's what it is for me now.
i will leave in 2 days and I feel that I have done exactly what I needed to do to turn this from a crazy frenzy in my head into a regular friendship if he is up for it.

Pandora
Posts: 283
Joined: Wed Sep 05, 2018 4:29 pm
Canada

Re: When Are You Healed?

Post by Pandora » Sat Jan 12, 2019 2:34 am

Anna wrote:
Sat Jan 12, 2019 2:20 am
But I have no more desire for him. I told him that too, I said I would see him more like an older brother that I never had... I guess that hurt his ego a little because he had other intentions, but that's what it is for me now.
That is a fantastic way to kill limerence! Squash the fantasy with a big dose of reality. Not to doubt the effectiveness of it, but it would be really neat to hear from you in a few months to see if the change is permanent. It's just counter intuitive to the advice usually given out to get over limerence, and it would be an avenue I'd love to explore if I were single and in limerence.

Keep us updated Anna, and safe travels!
Desire is a state,
a state of ill repair.
It's ill prepared to cope,
it's ill prepared to care.

L-F
Posts: 2147
Joined: Fri Sep 29, 2017 9:55 am
New Zealand

Re: When Are You Healed?

Post by L-F » Sat Jan 12, 2019 3:41 am

Reality checks are important. Because at the end of the day, limerence is a fantasy story we've created in our heart and heads. Hence why the bluewaffle approach, we simply don't know what we are facing until we live with them 24/7 and guess what! We'll fall out of love with them just like our partners. Fancy that.

Its called living and growing beyond NRE. Going beyond the fantasy and into the real world like Anna is doing.

I'm not interested in f'ing LO to know it wouldn't work out. Because at the end if the day, we'd only aggravate each others wounds. That's why we found each other fascinating.
Have conquered limerence.
I'm no expert, but have learnt enough to know where to look for answers.

Idiotic
Posts: 1567
Joined: Sun Sep 03, 2017 7:58 am

Re: When Are You Healed?

Post by Idiotic » Tue Jan 22, 2019 7:31 pm

Im Bumping this thread up , with another question i asked somewhere else, but i dont want to make another thread. I also dont want to hijack OP's thread, so sorry if you feel that. But my question on the same theme, on the 'when' of when you are healed. I find it fascinating how time helps,(while still aware in some cases it doesnt perhaps). Its a supernatural and magical quality , the exact moment when you get over someone or something. Sure we say one day at a time, but it still amazes me. When exactly? when we arent looking? is that when? IN the first week of this month i was almost tearful over a girl, i thought i blew it with her cos of being stupid. And before the months end, here i am trying to conjure some feelings for her, just to try to replicate that intense feeling. She was everything when i saw her, and now if i make myself stalk her forcefully , shes just another girl! what!

What do OP and other people think?
Boy...youre gonna carry that weight, carry that weight, a long time - Golden Slumbers(The Beatles)

Pandora
Posts: 283
Joined: Wed Sep 05, 2018 4:29 pm
Canada

Re: When Are You Healed?

Post by Pandora » Tue Jan 22, 2019 9:06 pm

I think it would depend on what everyone's definition of 'healed' is, and I think it will be different for people who are serial limerents versus people who have only had one 'episode'. Personally, as a serial limerent, I will feel pretty healed if I can recognize the beginnings of limerence and choose to act differently rather than giving into the temptation. But others may argue that you're only truly healed when you don't even feel that there is anything to be tempted by.

In terms of healing from a particular LO, I think it really depends on the circumstance. For instance, I will most likely never see my LO in person again, so for me I feel pretty healed if I don't experience an intense longing for them and I'm not withdrawing from life in order to live in my limerent fantasy. But if I was in daily contact with my LO, I'd probably need to have a higher level of recovery where I can be around them and not feel drawn towards them. And there may be a case to be made that we're not truly healed unless we could be friends with them (assuming LO would be a healthy friend).

That's my two cents, but I'm interested in hearing what others have to say.
Desire is a state,
a state of ill repair.
It's ill prepared to cope,
it's ill prepared to care.

Spinnaker
Posts: 2036
Joined: Mon Oct 10, 2016 7:25 am
Gender:
United States of America

Re: When Are You Healed?

Post by Spinnaker » Tue Jan 22, 2019 9:45 pm

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“We are tied in a single garment of destiny. What affects one directly affects everyone indirectly”.
Dr. Martin Luther King Jr.

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