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Its also a thread dedicated to LO should she discover it. Though I haven't officially told her about this place, it will possibly pop up on her radar.
So I've contacted LO. It has been years, I think 4-5(?) since we last saw each other. I won't go into too much detail about her since we all know that its not about LO. However they do factor into the equation, some how. Hmmm... let me think... could it have been her irresistible charm?
Getting back to the message I sent. I sent it via FB. No we are not friends in that world or any other realm for that matter. In fact I'm pretty sure limerence put the brakes on any kind of friendship forming. Though it didn't help she was my lecturer. Has anyone become friends with teaching staff after being a student? I'm not even sure that's possible.
Though, I do think we could have an adult conversation without attachments or expectations I'm sure. I believe we can, and that was/is my wish. To have a decent open honest discussion. And to have a different point of view for all those whose LO won't, for whatever reason, go there.
However I know she is a private person so perhaps this is something she won't enertain. I don’t blame her. Then again, I don't have any high expectations. Whatever she decides to do I will respectfully accept.
If I don't hear anything (by the end of the week) I will take that as closure and her wish to remain out of the picture. So in a sense, I can't lose. I get my closure.
Did I send the message for selfish reasons? Quite possibly. Though I'm not so much interested in her take of my behavior as opposed to her understanding of limerence. I don't need her to critique my behavior, it was what it was. A projection from someone unaware / asleep.
I know should she respond, it will help others to gain some insight and possibly answers to a few burning questions some of you may have... that being...do LO and LS trigger each other? I've asked if she would respond with her understanding of the situation - in general terms - and not personalise it focusing on my situation. I don't care to position her to give me specific answers.
I also never wanted/want to cause harm. For this reason I wish we had never crossed paths. Just sending the message would stir things possible best left to die a natural death. Which leads to yet another bout of shame and guilt.
I have no desire to pair bond with LO. Nor be in each other's lives. Sending the message means nothing to me in this regard. I will always wish her well and hold no negative energy towards her or limerence.
Am I healed? Mostly. Though can we ever be 100% shadow free? I don't know the answer to this. I still have to work thru shame and guilt.
What I do know is that I'll never experience limerence again. I've done enough heavy lifting to know the signs and to know when I'm projecting.
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One question, why facebook as the communication medium?
For Professional Coaching / Therapy see http://loverelations.co.uk/limerence
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Not sure why FB. Probably because it meant I didn't have to do a lot of stalking? I don't have a clue where LO lives or what LO is doing.
I was talking with a friend today and realised that I'm over it. Completely over it. I don't care to hear from her though I hope she's able to help others on here with her feedback.
So I hope she doesn't respond. Instead I hope she bypasses me, figures out this site, and gives some insight into an LOs world.
Off topic... I've always wanted to move overseas. Have a do-over with the family. Somewhere new and exciting. Change IS as good as a rest they say.. But I've always viewed that outlook as if i was running away from something. So we stayed put. It's nice. I'm glad.
I have a lot to be thankful for. Kind SO, healthy family, an up and coming second honeymoon where SO and I run away for a month visiting various countries, a PhD, a new project at work that has potential. I'm extremely grateful and for once, I feel I deserve good things.
LO writing? I feel it will drag me backwards [into the drama triangle] and the past. But... I have only realised this today. After sending the message.
I hope she responds for everyone who wants to hear what she has to say.
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And then I considered what would I want from my waning LO if we were able to have a 'decent open honest discussion' - which I certainly don't have the courage to pursue. There is much different between the expression of my student's limerence and mine - I hope - but it isn't a comfortable thought if, in this world of projection upon projection, his experience as an LO is anything at all like mine.
I'm also brought to mind of something I learned when I was a lecturer, which was to do with appreciating that the construction of knowledge in the student's mind could be very different from one's own. So when you teach someone some maths (say) and they get all the answers right, they still might have a completely different construction of that maths in their mind from the one you have in yours. I suppose in this view, projection is assuming your construction is what's in their mind. This is actually a much easier way for me to look at it - which says something about my construction probably!
When my limerence was at its strongest there was a very nice edifice constructed which explained it perfectly in my mind. To take the construction idea too far, it was a beautiful stonebuilt house in lovely gardens with roses and wisteria climbing up the walls. What would have been in my LO's mind? Obviously, I've no idea: a shed? a tent? a soviet tower block? a brothel? a labyrinth?
A little additional edit: I'm not asking you to disclose what you may be seeking from your former LO. Your sharing so far has been the valuable catalyst for me. Thank you .
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