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Why do you like your LO?

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Expand view Topic review: Why do you like your LO?

Re: Why do you like your LO?

by Xaphan » Mon Nov 11, 2019 1:09 am

The question of why I like(d) my current LO is one I've never really been able to answer - this LE started seemingly out of nowhere, on somebody I had never spoken to or seen in my life. I guess for this one its about physical appearance. I could spend a day writing about her smile or her hair or how she can look good in any outfit, but if somebody were to ask what about her as a person I liked (outside of attraction) I would draw a complete blank because she was high on the narc scale and somebody I'd want to not interact with at all had she not been my LO.

It wasn't like this for my other two LEs. My first one who I met online, we had/have a lot of mutual interests and could always have interesting non-awkward conversations even within the first hours after I gave her FD. The second one, who I transferred to after the first one, was just generally a warm and friendly person whose energy I felt safe and calm in; even on the very first day I met this girl (before she became an LO) I felt safe to open up about some more personal issues I had.

In general I think I tend to gravitate towards cute girls rather than hot ones, and I like people who make me feel welcomed and happy inside.

Re: Why do you like your LO?

by Anonguest » Sun Nov 10, 2019 10:02 pm

This. Every word. Thank you for this. This is my experience. It has taken me 25 years to work it out and I can't say I'm all the way there but understanding it helped me to come to terms with it better. This is the perfect description.



Lococktail wrote:


> I wish I knew. It's like a mystery to me. You can't really explain it. But
> here's the recipe, I think.
>
> I would say first ingredient is there must be attraction from the first
> moment. I could go on and on about my LO's face, his height, the way he
> smells, his teeth (odd, I know), his shoulders, his hair, his body, his
> smile, his laugh, his voice, his hands, his mannerisms, his skin, his
> style......
>
> But while the initial attraction draws you in at first, the second
> ingredient is probably the most important. You like their mind and
> personality. You have experiences in common. Maybe similar traumas or past
> failures? This person understands you and shares a similar sense of humor.
> There is something about him or her that you admire.
>
> Third. What usually seals the deal is that you think they like you too.
> This person seeks you out somehow, or at least seems to enjoy your company.
> Maybe this person takes a personal risk to pursue a relationship with you.
>
> Fourth. You feel like you're walking on air when you're with this person.
> Time condenses. This is nothing more than a chemical reaction designed to
> get two people to mate. Dopamine.
>
> The final ingredient is some kind of barrier that prevents both of you from
> really telling the other one how you really feel. Classic intermittent
> reinforcement ensues. The body is confused by your failure to consummate.
> It pumps out more and more hormones to make you do stupid things. Sometimes
> you fall off the wagon, but then you get back on.
>
> Prevention of consummation creates this infinite loop of the "highs
> and lows" that others here have described. It is a chemical addiction
> to a person, and nobody else on the planet can give that to you - only your
> LO. It's your own LO Cocktail, created in a lab, just for you.
>
> What limerents need to realize is that if there were no barriers, this
> person, your LO, would no longer give you those highs and lows. A lot of
> people say no contact is the way to go, but I think often doing the
> opposite is the best cure. Destroying the fantasy and putting it all out
> there is the best way to destroy this disease, whether it's through
> rejection, consummation, or otherwise. I have yet to hear one story of
> limerents getting together and having limerence for the rest of their
> lives. It just doesn't happen. Limerence is basically stunted NRE. You get
> stuck in hormonal cocktail hell. Your drug is the LO, there is no other
> source.
>
> So while others argue on here that it's fake and not real, I strongly
> disagree. It IS real. It's one of the most amazing experiences you'll ever
> have in your life. It feels so great, like cocaine. Because it's NRE on
> steroids. I wish someone would do a scientific study on hormone levels of
> people with limerence. We already know that NRE induces hormonal shifts
> (higher estrogen in women and testosterone in men). I can only imagine what
> a limerent's hormonal profile would look like. When I was at my worst, men
> were coming on to me in droves.
>
> So the truth is there is probably nothing special about your LO, except
> that they have become special to YOU due to the aforementioned chemical
> processes.

Re: Why do you like your LO?

by limewreck » Wed Aug 28, 2019 2:36 pm

Mezzoone wrote:
Wed Aug 28, 2019 1:32 am
Wow Limewreck. I think I want my LO to rescue me. The way you described what you want to give to your LO, that’s exactly what I’m always seeking from LO. To be seen and appreciated in ways I feel like the world misses. I think my LO is the only one who could really understand or get the depth of things I feel or think. I just thought that was interesting... that we’re both the limerent ones but have exact opposite needs from our LO. *sigh*
Maybe it's not all that different. I think both of us want to be especially valued for who we are. In the story I tell myself, the "who I am" is someone who sees, loves, and values deeply. On some level, I want to be rewarded for that by getting to see that it matters, that it brings life to someone I care for. It sounds sort of noble, but I'm afraid it's more selfish. *echoed sigh*

Re: Why do you like your LO?

by Cookie » Wed Aug 28, 2019 1:32 am

Lococktail wrote:
Wed Aug 21, 2019 10:21 pm
So while others argue on here that it's fake and not real, I strongly disagree. It IS real. It's one of the most amazing experiences you'll ever have in your life. It feels so great, like cocaine.
I guess it depends on how you define "real" and what you mean by it.

Limerence is real in the physical sense (per the chemical processes you describe), but not in the emotional or true connection sense...which I think is what is often meant by "fake" when its said on this forum: fake feelings, fake love, and so forth.

Really what you're describing here is riding chemical highs. I get that and it is part of my experience too. But I shudder at the thought of equating these as the most amazing experiences in life. At that point, I'm just checking into a hotel room and snorting/shooting/drinking whatever I can get my hands on. All while texting the LO, of course.

:ymcowboy:

Re: Why do you like your LO?

by Mezzoone » Wed Aug 28, 2019 1:32 am

limewreck wrote:
Tue Aug 27, 2019 5:18 pm
She's talented and thoughtful in ways that I think have gone under-appreciated and poorly-heard by those closest to her. She has stress points and frustrations in her life that my skills and mindset could help with. So yeah, a lot of my LE stems from rescue fantasy... I want to take care of her, make much of her in the way I feel she deserves.
Wow Limewreck. I think I want my LO to rescue me. The way you described what you want to give to your LO, that’s exactly what I’m always seeking from LO. To be seen and appreciated in ways I feel like the world misses. I think my LO is the only one who could really understand or get the depth of things I feel or think. I just thought that was interesting... that we’re both the limerent ones but have exact opposite needs from our LO. *sigh*

Re: Why do you like your LO?

by limewreck » Tue Aug 27, 2019 5:18 pm

I don't know whether she's pretty in the classical sense, but when she comes alive she's positively radiant. I've always been able to make her laugh.

We share an emotionally-powerful creative interest, which is how we originally became acquainted. In many other ways, and most of the practical ones, we aren't alike and probably wouldn't make good partners... but there is something under the surface between us that just occasionally clicks and connects, usually over a creative expression or a particular way of thinking about something.

She's talented and thoughtful in ways that I think have gone under-appreciated and poorly-heard by those closest to her. She has stress points and frustrations in her life that my skills and mindset could help with. So yeah, a lot of my LE stems from rescue fantasy... I want to take care of her, make much of her in the way I feel she deserves.

Re: Why do you like your LO?

by mamasita » Tue Aug 27, 2019 3:53 pm

Lococktail
I love your post. That's pretty much how it happened.

Bridget, yours resonates as well, falling for your fantasy father.

So now I'm thinking about why I like my LO. There is definitely a way that LO relates to my father, but it's the intermittent attention that I got from my father. Insists he loves me but his actions always showed otherwise.

I felt like a burden, and different from everyone else. My father slut shamed me long before I became sexually active based on a shirt I had on.

I like my LO because he is handsome, strong, funny, and he always looks me in my eyes as I talk. Gives a calming and comforting feeling when he is around. He's seen me high and he's seen me low. And he always greets me with a warm hug and a friendly smile. If I made a fool out of myself previously, he never acts put off or embarrassed by me. He asks questions in a crowd directed at me. He tells people that "I have been his friend for years." He makes me feel like I belong. I think on a deeper level, he WOULD give me intermittent attention and be hot/cold IF we were in a real relationship...like my Dad.
But the things about him that make me feel good are the things I wanted from my Dad and couldn't ever quite reach. Just like I can never quite reach the heart of my LO.

Re: Why do you like your LO?

by BobSmith » Tue Aug 27, 2019 3:08 pm

She took the piss out of me.

She had an innate sadness that somehow made me want to look after her.

She was really really really into me, and then suddenly, she wasn't.

Re: Why do you like your LO?

by PinballZero » Mon Aug 26, 2019 10:54 pm

Solid stuff ITT

Re: Why do you like your LO?

by Bridget » Sat Aug 24, 2019 5:27 am

He was attractive, smart, and quirky. We were too much alike for me to have a crush on him and he gave off real "family man" vibes, so I felt it was safe to become friends.

A year plus later and I'm in full-blown, one-sided limerence with him and desperately trying to figure out what the hell happened.

A year after that, I realize that LO is exactly the man I imagined my father to be when I was 5 and my parents divorced and then both married hellions. In fact, all of my LOs had some resemblance to my fantasy father. That knowledge is a blessing because it has helped me put up strong boundaries between me and any other attractive man who has those traits.

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