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Why do you like your LO?

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Re: Why do you like your LO?

by Nensi » Fri Jun 19, 2020 7:52 pm

No, it doesn't feel right unfortunately.
We are both married, and in NC, because we don't want to cheat and don't want to destroy our families.

Re: Why do you like your LO?

by Maddie » Fri Jun 19, 2020 5:11 pm

Nensi wrote:
Fri Jun 19, 2020 4:45 pm
He knows me very well and yet he's is convinced that he loves me :)
So, LE is all about me and my insecurities.
That feels so good, huh? him loving you? and I feel that LE is 100 percent about me and my insecurities. are you both single?

Re: Why do you like your LO?

by Nensi » Fri Jun 19, 2020 4:45 pm

He knows me very well and yet he's is convinced that he loves me :)
So, LE is all about me and my insecurities.

Re: Why do you like your LO?

by Limcoco » Wed Jun 17, 2020 12:21 pm

My LO is s good, kind, gentle person. She is extremely polite and cares for other people. She has a quiet charm about her which is very soothing.
I love her voice and she looks great. I can look at her all day!

Re: Why do you like your LO?

by JMS164 » Tue Apr 28, 2020 11:55 pm

He has an easy nature about him. Always has a smile for me. We share a dry and shocking sense of humor. He's passionate about his work. He takes the time to learn, simply for the joy of learning. He is able to apologize. He considers me in quiet ways. When he compliments me, it's always genuine and meaningful. He can be quiet about his feelings but opens up in private, if made comfortable to do so. He's a loving father. He's confident without overstepping into arrogance (most of the time). He is patient. When he grins his ears move back in a subtle way. He treats everyone with respect, regardless of hierarchical position. He has a childish side that I find quite endearing. He doesn't often gossip about others. He isn't a bleeding heart.

This list could be very long and far too specific for an open forum, so i'll leave it there. And yes, for anyone who sees this post, I am feeling quite airy today. Limerence has a nasty tendency to rebound. Still, whether I am speaking with LO or not, the above and more remains true. Just needed to get it out somewhere.

Re: Why do you like your LO?

by WishMagick » Wed Mar 11, 2020 8:37 pm

I know it's not popular, but truly loving people is what I do. That's my thing.
I have a sense that what I feel currently isn't real love. But, with each day that passes, I think of him (I really don't like calling him an object), I just hope that he is well. I hope that he gets everything that he desires for himself and his family. I want nothing but good things for him.

And me sexualizing him and hoping for a sexual affair is NOT good for him! Or his family.

He chooses his wife because that is what makes him happy. That is what he wants. So, that is also what I want for him.
So I will do what he is doing for me - quietly cheering him on in the background. Sending out positive vibes into the Universe for him. Helping him any way I can. If I can do anything to make him happy, I will do it, because I want him to be happy.

He is a very lovable person. This shouldn't be a hard thing to do!
Our goal is to stop sexualizing / romanticizing them. All the other floofy feelings can STAY. Loving someone is the best thing in the world. Even if it's not returned.

Re: Why do you like your LO?

by MrSpock » Wed Mar 11, 2020 8:30 pm

WishMagick wrote:
Wed Mar 11, 2020 8:02 pm
Get to know him for who he REALLY is - and encourage myself to actually LOVE him. I mean, real, unselfish love.
Then I can let him go. Finally.

Because when you truly love someone, you can let them go @};-
While I think this is not the most popular strategy around here, it is, for what it's worth, EXACTLY the very same strategy I tried, and I'll keep trying, to follow with LO.

I can't honestly say I'm following this to the letter, but I still think is the way to go, and I'll keep trying to do exactly this.

Re: Why do you like your LO?

by peter.rabbit » Wed Mar 11, 2020 8:12 pm

L-F wrote:
Wed Mar 11, 2020 9:13 am
peter.rabbit wrote:
Wed Mar 11, 2020 4:29 am
sometimes to the point where I am convinced that I could pull-off disclosure, with positive results.
If you did pull it off, as you have done in the past, would this make her your 4th LO-wife?
@L-F, You seem to have cue'd into my personal history as an 'indictment' of sorts. I feel your judgemental view of that. You've experienced Limerence yourself, I would expect some empathy or at least some understanding. Of course you are "cured" now ...

But no, I don't not wish to make my LO another future ex, I just have that 'disclosure' desire like the rest of ya'all.

Re: Why do you like your LO?

by WishMagick » Wed Mar 11, 2020 8:02 pm

Yeah. I actually don't think a disclosure would go the way I planned.

I have never had an immediate reciprocation to any of my disclosures. Why would I think it would be different this time? lol
I don't think my LO would reciprocate. At least...not at this point in time.

I have a new strategy:

Get to know him for who he REALLY is - and encourage myself to actually LOVE him. I mean, real, unselfish love.
Then I can let him go. Finally.

Because when you truly love someone, you can let them go @};-

All that happened with LO #1. I grew to actually love him, and at the same time, myself too, because he used me. I loved myself enough to stop letting him do that. And I began to love him from afar. Nothing has changed. I still love him and wish him well. I haven't spoken to him in a decade. I still think about him and hope that he is happy.

Re: Why do you like your LO?

by mamasita » Wed Mar 11, 2020 7:54 pm

WishMagick wrote:
Wed Mar 11, 2020 7:20 pm
MrSpock wrote:
Wed Mar 11, 2020 7:14 pm
WishMagick wrote:
Wed Mar 11, 2020 7:02 pm
His story is definitely a good case of why disclosing is not a good idea! The pain and confusion that results is not worth it!
I often like to say that "the only single thing we can all agree on, is that we cannot all agree on one single thing".

But now I think I'll add "disclosure to LO is a bad idea" as the second single thing :))
Well, the thing is, if I disclosed, I'd want to go into some kind of detail. I wouldn't describe everything I'm feeling because that would scare any normal person, I think (someone who wasn't limerent), but I wouldn't want to be misunderstood. I worry about being too vague, because then the person can just spin it however they want! I mean, people do that anyway, but I like to minimize the amount that they can do that! lol!

I'm very idealistic. Can you tell?!? lol
Let me tell you, I rehearsed my disclosure for months! And months and months and months! And it went exactly as I'd hoped, except for the end of the conversation, where he told me that he couldn't get vertical with me. :(( :))
I didn't tell him I was limerent, I told him I had a crush on him. I just wanted to experience him one good time. I wouldn't tell. Just between us. I stroked his hand, cupped his face and kissed him, and gazed happily into his eyes. ;;)
I didn't want to be too overbearing, too aggressive, to vague, too critical of my DH...I thought it all out.
In the end, I wanted to be exactly who I thought he would want me to be.
But I didn't know what he needed. I assumed. I had idealized him for so long that I really believed I knew him, and knew what he would do, want and say.
Limerence makes us delusional. We turn normal conversations and interactions into much more.
And even though I thought I was being totally "real" and honest, fast forward a couple of years and I realize I was full of shyt. I not only wanted him, but I cried for him. I was desperate for him to reciprocate. Playing it cool on the outside and screaming for his love within. I was in complete denial. We generally disclose to feel reciprocation and to consummate our desired relationship. No real good can come of it, except now LO avoids me to prevent triggering that love monster that came at him a couple years ago. x_x I wish I didn't ruin the fun part of whatever relationship we once had.

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