Welcome to a support forum for all those impacted by limerence, unrequited love, love-addiction, obsessive love, romantic infatuation and affair recovery.

Have you struggled with an obsessive infatuation? Feelings of being addicted to a person?  Or had an obsessive crush that doesn't seem to go away?  Have you had an emotional or physical affair and are trying to recover from the impact? Has your partner been struggling with any of the above and as a consequence affected you and your relationship?

If you have, then you have found a safe and welcoming place where you can gain insight into your feelings and behaviours. At the limerence.net user's support forum, (click here to go the forum) offers a safe place that offers non-judgemental mutual support and genuine and sincere advice to those impacted. We request you show mutual respect as this site contains people at all stages of limerence, love-addiction and affair recovery.  

We have all been there and know that in the early stages many of us are left feeling overwhelmed, fragile and vulnerable.   We aim to keep the nature of the support here both sincere and genuine. Limerence is an involuntary state of mind which results from a romantic attraction to another person combined with an overwhelming, obsessive need to have one's feelings reciprocated.

Many argue limerence is common at the beginning of most romantic relationships and with reciprocation, it  transforms into a more secure and enduring love.  Where the progression of a romantic relationship is hindered (often by marriage or other long term relationship) and where the uncertainty remains, enduring limerence often ensues.   At the heart of love addiction is the fantasy that someone else can solve our problems, provide unconditional "other-esteem" at all times and take care of us. When this unrealistic need isn’t met, love addicts may find themselves feeling resentful, and may create conflict in their relationships with others.   

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+6 # Veroni 2015-01-22 05:03
How do we know we are limerenced or if what we feel is just a strong crush?
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+2 # David 2015-01-22 08:59
Veroni, you will get more responses if you post on the main forum http://limerence.net/forum/index.php
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+11 # Arlene 2015-07-12 19:25
I have been trying to figure out what has been wrong with all these years since teenage years I finally have a word for it. All my life I have developed crushes on people who would never return my affections and it is comforting I am not the only one.

Is there any hope for people like myself?

Are there any counselors, psychotherapists in the Boston, MA area that can help?

Limerence seems like something people in English novels would frequently be afflicted with like a "Wuthering Heights" something from the Edwardian/Victorian era.

I am curious to know if certain populations have a greater tendency for Limerence?

Will there be a genetic therapy for this someday? I wouldn't wish this on anyone it is a cruel affliction.

Thanks for having this website.
Sincerely,
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+4 # Taylor 2015-08-24 03:12
I'm more than happy to have found this site. I don't want to self diagnose, but I STRONGLY believe im suffering from Limerence. It's happening to me now, and it's happened MANY times in the past, since I was 12. My longest episode lasted for about 2 years, and my LO was a guy that I didn't even have a relationship with to begin with. Right now, it's been about 14 months for me since the start of my Limerent epsiode, and the LO and I "broke up" about a year ago, even though we had an on-and-off FWB relationship.
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-1 # Thai 2015-09-04 20:54
Ive been feeling really strong feelings for a girl in my school ever since i started and now 5 years later those feelings are as stong as ever. She hates because she thought i was stalking her a while back and now i dont know what to do. Every morning and every night i think about her and me together because i know ill never be with her but i try to forgot that by imagining.
What makes it even worse is that i didnt even talk to her before she thought i was stalking her. Now we're both in collage and im in her business studies class, i really wanna talk to her but im scared she or her friend will ignore me or just diss me. I just hate the feeling of not meaning anything to her in life while she means so much to me. Sometimes i even have these days where i cant go to sleep because i can only think about what would happen when we finish collage and we both go our separate ways. I'll never see the love of my life ever again. Please, i need help :cry:
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+1 # Jon 2015-09-10 17:35
Hi David,

The email listed keeps bouncing. Is there another one to reach you at?

Thanks,

Jon
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0 # David 2015-09-10 17:39
try
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+4 # Barbara Val 2015-09-29 08:56
Hello
thanks for your site. I'm a 45 year old lady from Spain. I have suffered limerence many times in my life and I strongly believe this and other patterns are due to being raised by narcissistic parents. Thanks for helping find me voice :-)
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-1 # Shelly 2016-07-01 22:21
Wow, I have a Narcissitic Mother who I discovered was Narcissitic about a year ago, Its been very hard to handle. Now, for some reason I was checking into obssesions, love addictions, etc.. and I found "Limerence" and I totally believe I am Limerent. So its very interesting to find that a probable cause would be having Narc parents. Thanks for sharing Barbara
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+5 # David 2015-10-01 05:50
Hi Barbara

I agree, narcissistic parents have a lot to answer for. As with all narcs, it seems low contact or even no contact is necessary if we are to separate and individuate.
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-1 # Philip 2015-10-04 07:16
This is happening to me.
2 months ago i hooked up with an old crush. She told me she ended her 6 year long relationship,and that she still have some stuff overthere. We hooked up on my initiative,only to find she was actualy still living with the bf and did not broke up with him,even if she claimed she wants to but cant do it now. I got the feeling she was playing with me. I broke up a month later because i could not trust her. I fell for her hard, and opened myself a lot very early into this affair. My ratio and my emotions went different directions.she wanted to keep it secret,no meeting in public. I broke up a month later. And 2 month after i am thinking about her 24/7 and replaying dialogues in my head.
How to stop? I am a wreck....
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+1 # lou 2015-10-08 19:23
Its gotten to the point where my sickness and need for love has desensitized me and am no longer able to function properly. Its highs or lows, nothing in between. I can't remember a time I didn't feel like this but now I feel kind of scared I am gonna hurt myself and I don't want to do that cause I do have family, they love me. Is there anything I can do to just end this already? I'm done crying :oops:
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0 # Molly 2015-10-14 19:04
I have been in love with the same guy for over four years, though I've known him since 5th grade. He was one of my best friends and I saw him every day during school until I moved to Europe with my husband. Yes, I'm married and I still love him. I've tried everything in my power to forget him but I always find myself getting back in touch with him and falling all over again. I told him 4 years ago that I had fallen for him and he basically said he appreciated me telling him but never said anything else. He is kind of a loner so I don't know if he might have had feelings and just wasn't ready for a relationship. Regardless, I can't stop loving him and it makes me feel awful because I love my husband but it just isn't the same. I truly think that my LO was the "one" and I hate it. I hate feeling like this. But I love him.
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+2 # Michelle 2015-10-19 22:41
Oh I have been married for several years in which I often caught my spouse sexting other people so I had an affair. I was angry and bitter and wanted to show him how much it hurt, unfortunately I developed feelings and I am way over my head. This person is not one I would see myself being with but as many times as I have tried to back away, the more I get wrapped up. It has been almost 3 years and I am living in a separate room than my husband but not sure if I really love this other guy. I never thought I would be in this position, I have always tried to do what is right and I have screwed up beyond belief. So who do I choose? A cheating spouse (who says he has changed but I do not trust) or the guy who I may be an LO and will shorty be my remorse for not trying again in my marriage?
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+1 # Kayla 2015-10-22 00:40
I'm so glad for this post...I've always read into transference but this is spot on. I've always felt weird or out of place like no one would accept me in this state except for my best friend who is also limerent. But this is just soo comforting. Anyone wanting to chat about it with me?
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0 # Jacko333 2015-11-01 20:18
As we all know, Limerence is an illusion that provides the muse for poetry and song. I am reminded of a Paul McCartney song entitled "Just another silly love song." At its core, Limerence is selfish. In his or her own mind the LE forces the LO to comport with their own fantasies and exaggerates the attributes and characteristics of the LO. In reality, this does a disservice to the LO by imprisoning him or her in this painting or portrait that is not really who they are but rather an idealized approximation of the LO. Limerence is a selfish thing in that it demands reciprocity from the LO who is largely a construct of the LE's imagination. If an LE truly cares for the LO's well and that of their own, they would let the LO be free of this burden.
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+2 # Rob 2015-11-18 18:54
Clare 1/2
I quit smoking when my life burnt up into ashes.
I had tried before but it was so easy to just have one and then another. because you think about them. they are on your mind and so is the memory of the feeling of breathing deep into yourself. in actual fact it tastes awful, makes your lungs feel wrecked and spins your head. easily forgotten.
But then everything turned to shit and I decided I couldn’t afford cigarettes. I stop identifying as a smoker, more importantly I stopped identifying as a non-smoker. it wasn’t on my radar at all.

Likewise my final escape* from LO was only because of catastrophe. a massive brutal dose of reality that left no room for idle thought or romantic intention. and in the clarity that followed, I made sure I wasn’t going to just drop back into old habits. here was my chance. the cell door was open, I wasn’t going to loiter.
1/2
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-1 # Crystal 2016-05-05 04:21
Hi Rob!
It's amazing how you quit both! I'm have the same problems and somehow I know that when I quit smoking I will quit him too.

How did you quit her?

Btw, I haven't smoked for a week now and planning to keep strong...
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-1 # Rob 2016-06-14 21:06
Hi Crystal,
The smoking analogy and LO were actually years apart. I brought it up because I felt it was two parts of the same kind of problem. Keep reading comment 2, sadly this wasn't the actual answer. She's gone now, no contact. still thinking of her most days, but its a passing thought and I've got better things to do. Absence does not make the heart grow fonder. Thank god, absence does not make the heart grow fonder.

Also, really want to edit those previous comments.
Good luck Crystal.
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+2 # Rob 2015-11-18 19:01
Clare 2/2
I marked down all her negative points and reevaluated how she treated me. There were absolute deal breakers I had glossed over for months.
So I rebuilt my image of her, somewhat monstrous. something to avoid and resent. not true, not fair, too bad

Ive had maybe 6 "days off" when she wasn't totally dominating my thinking and each time I felt more like me, more in control, more confident.
Yes the gloss comes off everything and i miss the soft lull of dreaming about somebody else and in weak moments, I mourn the girl that she was and hate the girl that she is. a deliberate choice to divide her into two different people, so I can mentally breakup with that beautiful soul with the eyes that I get lost in fuckfuckfuck.

Quitting drinking helped.
maintain strict discipline whatever you have control of but usually let yourself get slack on

good luck everyone, its worth trying to beat it.
2/2
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-3 # Mike 2015-11-23 17:25
I had a mutual limerence relationship with a girl for 3 years. It was very destructive for both of us and ended badly. It took me a good two years to get over her, although I never did forgot her

!6 years later I found her and contacted her. She was happy to hear from me and said she never forgot me either. The funny thing is we are both in destructive mutual limerence relationships right now. We talk all the time and try to help each other get through it. It was like we had not talked in a week not 16 years and we grow closer each day
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0 # Anonymous 2015-12-10 05:38
I recently found out my boyfriend of 5 years had an obsessive crush about a girl he'd been chatting online with. It started as just friendly chat but he found he was having feelings for her, idealizing her, couldn't stop thinking about her. He did the same to me before we started going out but I guess I thought I was special. He said he's stopped talking to her and hates that he can't control his feelings and he knew he had just made up this image of her in his mind. Can I ever trust him not to be limerence with another girl he meets? Or at least cut off contact if he recognizes these feelings again?
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-1 # J 2015-12-11 19:11
I am currently in a limerence relationship in which my fiancé is the one struggling with these obsessive thoughts. He has got to jail a couple times because of it. Unfortunately, when I do leave, I feel horrible and only remember the good times. I convince myself that he will change. I think it's important to remember that this is a mental condition and will not simply heal itself. He follows me. Calls me constantly. Asks me such personal questions and questions about the past that are irrelevant. He looks at my flaws and fantasizes about them as perfections. The first time I left him, he damaged my vehicle. The second time, he followed me and kept leaving things at my door. He was later arrested for domestic violence and harassment (originally stalking as well). Just yesterday, only a day after proposing, one of my neighbors down the street called the cops because a suspicious car was outside her house. He was stalking me again. I know we love these people. But we have to let go.
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+1 # David 2016-01-07 08:48
Yes going No Contact is the start.
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0 # Sound 2016-03-03 02:33
I'm 15 years old and usually when I get crushes they're mild and I don't feel limerence, except for one person. I feel like limerence describes my feelings for him perfectly. I got a strong, obsessive crush on them in 6th grade which continued until about the end of 7th grade, though i never really got over him, I guess. We've started talking again recently and though I'm dating someone, I'm falling for this person all over again. I don't want to love them but I do, and I don't know why. These feelings won't go away. I'm terrified and knowing that I'm obsessed with him makes me feel like a freakish stalker. Someone, please, please help me. I have no idea what to do.
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0 # Hildegarde 2016-03-08 02:45
The last time I tried to break off contact with my LO I heard from mutual friend that LO very depressed about it. He's been through a lot of heartache in life, and I am compassionate (to the extreme), and when he texted that he absolutely had to tell me about some important news, I capitulated. He poured out his heart about he told our friend how depressed he was when I was MIA, and just couldn't understand it. He said "You are my best friend, and I am yours". But that's all it appears to be...friendship with no future! There is a large age difference (I am the older one) and I am quite different from his past two great loves (who both broke his heart into smithereens), . I do realize now that I am a limerent, I have known for a few years that mum has NPD. Why does LO insist on being my best friend? I know I have to try my best at NC and to finally heal (it's been about 4 years) but as we all know, it's agony. He has been kind, generous, helpful and so fun! A great love, but not.
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+2 # MJ 2016-03-29 00:28
I have literally been head over heels in love with this girl at my college for seven straight months now. I freeze up and feel butterflies every time I see her. The other night, I couldn't keep my feelings in any more. She's a friend and colleague of mine. We are in the same club. I got invited to party thrown by another fellow club member last week. I got really drunk at the party and I confessed my feelings for her. She was really chill and she understood. She texted me the next day and told me I was a really great person, and although she wasn't interested, she told me I would find someone awesome. So we are chill now. However, I saw her on campus twice today after my class, and felt the butterflies immediately. I do not know what to do about the butterflies. I want it to stop. I do not want to have feelings for this girl any more.
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0 # Babs 2016-03-29 17:34
Quoting MJ:
I want it to stop. I do not want to have feelings for this girl any more.


Exactly. 16 months here. I see him every work day. I really want it to stop. I also do not want to have feelings for him any longer. I research for ways to stay busy, try to discipline my brain. I try to ignore him - which makes him give me MORE attention. Arrggh! So, I try to act normal and talk to him like normal co-workers. Me changing jobs is not a possibility at this time. I doubt that he is going anywhere, but I keep hoping. In fact, I point out job opportunities to him. Sigh.
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0 # Mandy 2016-05-10 13:48
I'm engaged and I am in love with a very good friend of mine. My rational mind doesn't want to be with him but I can't stop my internal voice from telling me that I'm in love with him every day. I feel like no contact is impossible. No contact would be so extreme and over the top but I just need to stop thinking about being with him. The fantasy is NOT the reality. Even if I was with him it would not be anything close to the fantasy I have. In fact, it probably has nothing to do with him at all. I want a fantasy that doesn't exist and I just put it on him because he's what's there. I could put this fantasy on anyone. Because I'm obsessed with love, fairy tale love, the kind of love that you KNOW isn't real. But why? Why isn't it real? Is it real? If it is, why don't I have it?
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0 # Kyle 2016-05-14 11:49
Oh Mandy, I feel for you, because I know how it feels..like you are being pulled in half. The people I know that are happily married fall into either one of 2 categories..1=Star crossed lovers..they knew from an early age or when they met they should be together, and 2 - divorced and married someone more compatible. I have been married 15+ years, and there are times I question if I got it right. On top of that have 2 kids. It doesn't make sense that someone has come into my life and turned it upside down with these feelings. I have not acted on this, but it is driving me crazy. The feelings go way beyond sex. I think it is great that you recognize your feelings as tied to fantasy because you're right...you can live out a fantasy with anyone. I think the key is "Will the other person enjoy this fantasy long-term?", and not just say anything because they are attracted to you. Also, what other fantasies do you have? Would your partner enjoy playing those out as well?
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+1 # Brandon 2016-05-18 02:31
I can't believe I'm typing this. This is a pattern for me, every year or so I become so completely consumed with a guy. Generally they aren't emotionally available or even gay for that matter. It become this obsession in my mind and my whole day revolves around whether I get attention from this person or not. Right now, they guy has a girlfriend and has told me sleeps with other men and doesn't plan on stopping. I'm so embarrassed that I won't even tell my friends. I realize the healthy thing to do would be to stop talking to him, but the thought brings about such intense anxiety that I will allow myself to keep doing, generally till the person sees how crazy I get and stops talking to me. I've literally passed up wonderful chances to be in relationships with available healthy guys but always have this other person who I unrealisticly beleive will be with me even though I realize it will never happen. It's literally killing me. I guess thanks for reading.
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0 # Mcflurry 2016-06-03 08:09
Thanks you for this site, after reading all the comments here I feel so much less alone and ridiculous in how I feel and have felt towards women, usually very close friends in the past. I am the typical nice guy, usually single, always pineing for the wrong girl who just think is of me as a friend. I look back on my romantic history and I see a very distinct pattern that keeps plaguing me. I will meet a girl, fall head over heals for her and spend literally years trying to recoup only to fall back into the same pattern again always with the hope that this time will be different. This most recent limerence has left me at all time lows and even though I know she cares for me, she dropped rather hard and quickly ending our fwb before as I hoped it would blossom into much more. I'm a wreck, she enters my mind everyday even though we haven't talked in over a two months. I know if I truly love her I would just let her go but nothing will erase her from my soul, I won't find peace
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0 # Maria Teresa 2016-06-14 03:53
I constantly experience Limerence. What's horrible is that I've been engaged to the father of my child. I love him and we've been together for 9 years. Once I met a guy online and we had a relationship for 5 months and never even met. He was an escape. He had a great job. He was fun. He had qualities that I liked in my fiancé and others that my fiancé did not, which I also found attractive and intriguing. We talked about my son and I moving to Louisiana (we live farrrrr from there) and how we'd make an amazing life together. After we broke it off, I didn't even miss him. It was so weird. I've also been experiencing Limerence with my third cousin for 17 years. I'm only 34. We have hooked up on and off for a long time. Sometimes we go a few years where we don't talk, but when we finally contact each other again, we can't stop the way we feel. My wedding is in 3 months. My cousin and I have been hooking up every other weekend for the past 3 months. I'm screwed up.
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0 # Shelly 2016-07-03 19:11
Hi all,
I would like to know where to find in the Forum about LE reactions to letdowns from LO, inlcuding extreme jealousy, abandonment feelings, rejection, that somehow do not match the situation in reality. I.e, my LO couldnt talk to me at the hour we set and I took that so bad, didnt have an argument but I felt worse than if I just gone through a break-up, which I logically see its not a natural reaction to what just happened. The feelings in me are: a lot of anger and wishing to get even, like punish him in some way for doing that, in fact I just ignored him after that and he is Limerent too, so I know he wont take that too cool. Perhaps I am reacting to abandonment and neglect from my parents, transferring that to this?
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0 # David 2016-07-03 19:53
limerence.net/forum
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0 # Shelly 2016-07-03 21:57
Thanks David
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0 # Zach 2016-07-05 10:41
Wow I didn't know this had a word. I was 17 and she was 15 when we started dating. I fell head over heels in love with her and she with me. It was the best year of my life.

I moved to college and could only come home weekends. I'm not sure what happened on her end other than she was young and not ready to settle down. People called our love "puppy love," but I knew better (at least on my end). I knew it was the real thing. She was the first girl to ever tell me she loved me.. that really meant something to me. Why would she say it if she didn't feel as strongly as I did I thought to myself.

We broke up and not a single day has gone by that I don't think about her throughout the day and miss her. That was over 12 years ago at this point.

I tried reaching out to her a few years ago to see how she was doing hoping maybe things would work out, but it doesn't look good. Whatever feelings she once had for me are long gone and are never coming back.
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0 # Mike 2016-07-20 22:10
I am 42 years old and have been limerent with six different girls, The first case began when I was 13 and lasted 9 years. I had a few shorter episodes, each lasting 1 to 3 years, and then another one lasting 9 more years. My current episode is going on 1 year. The worst part of it is, my last two LO's have been significantly younger than me. It's almost as if I am trying to relive the first experience. I am finally ready to start the work I need to do to better myself, but it is going to be painful since I'm not in a position to go no contact.
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0 # JD 2016-09-09 20:28
I just found out about limerence like an hour ago, and realized I've sufferef from this my entire life. I'm 25 years old kinda a loner whos considered a good looking guy, throughout High School a lot of girls had crushes on me. But I rarely ever had interest in the. Id always develop crushes on one girl and become obsessive, to the point I cant even think logically and it never works out.

3 years ago I became obsessed with a co worker who showed me signs of interest we even went on a date but i didnt work out and I had an almost 6 months long depression obsessing over her.

I thought I learned my lesson but now again I find myself obsessed with a new girl. Shes the most beautiful girl I've ever been with and I'm constantly fantasizing about her. I live in NYC she lives in DC but is originally from NY so shes visits often. We made plans to meet up a week ago but she postponed her trip indefinitely. Its driving me seriously crazy .
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0 # Scott 2016-09-12 14:19
Hi all,
My LO emailed me in June telling me to cease all contact with him and blocked me on Facebook. You would think this had been the result of something major on my part, but honestly, it had only been some feelings of weirdness for a couple of months, on my part, followed by one particularly contentious text conversation that actually ended well. Two days later, I was cut off. It took everything in my power to respect the LO's boundaries, but I have. Didn't see him at all over the summer, which has been an immense help, but now am back to a regular weekly activity in which I will see him all the time. The feelings are flooding back, even though we are not even friends any longer! Anyway, just wanted to ask if anyone has pursued this as being a result of early attachment issues. In my own life, I had a father who passed away when I was 4 and mother who may well have been emotionally unavailable while dealing with this both before and after the death.
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